I find that, in my practice, a lot of people experience negative feelings due to their perception of not having as much support as they need. That is a frustrating experience, especially when we need support and can’t find it. As social beings, it’s a biological need to rely on others. We don’t have sharp teeth or thick skin to allow us to live independently.
It’s important to recognize all the different ways others can support us. There are four different types of support; emotional, social, tangible, and informational.
Emotional support is the type of support usually referenced when we talk about support. Emotional support is typically limited to a few people who you feel you can say anything to and who just get you. They can give advice or just listen. These are the people you talk about big feelings and scary thoughts with.
Social support is just that, social. These are people (friends or acquaintances) who we engage in social activities with.
Tangible support is when someone provides a specific resource; housing, food, money, a service.
Informational support can be seen as “expert” support. We gain knowledge or information from this type. Examples could be a realtor, a teacher, or consultant.
Different people can offer multiple types. For instance, my best friend offers me emotional support, social support, and information support (at least when it comes to HR info). She could offer me tangible support if I needed it from her. I have other relationships that offer social support and informational support. I also have some relationships that are strictly social, or tangible, or informational. It’s important to see the different combinations of what kinds of support one relationship can offer.
It’s also important to recognize that not everyone is capable of being the kind of support we want them to be. There may be friendships where you wish you had more emotional support, but that person may only be capable of providing social support. Sometimes, we may also assume that someone isn’t capable or willing to be emotional support for us, but a lot of the time, that’s our own anxiety over sharing and building that kind of connection than it is a limitation of others.
It’s important to take inventory of the different kinds of support available in your life. You may find that you do have a lot of support, but maybe it’s just not the type you need. After taking inventory, you can then do the work to build in more of whatever you aren't getting enough of. Maybe you’ll experiment with someone who is currently strictly social support and see if they are capable of emotional support. Maybe we stop pushing emotional support on someone who only is interested in offering social support.
Take inventory and grow, and know at the very minimum, you’ve got informational support right here from this good ol’ blog.
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